25/25: Things I hate (and subsequently, love) about my Self.
For Ahmed and Nati.
Last night, I suddenly felt bummed. I was beating myself with frustration over things I couldn’t change as I pleased (as if it could be so easy, I know). My emotional biorhythm was in -83,… maybe that had something to do with it.
I’ve always thought that the best way to ventilate emotions is by writing them out and giving them some sense of form. So, when Ahmed tagged me on his “26 things I hate about you” note, it felt suiting for me to do a “things I hate about myself” list…
Here’s what came out:
- How stupidly emotional I can get.
- How much I wait and procrastinate.
- How unreasonably self-conscious I can get without a motive under perfectly normal circumstances.
- My pride in certain situations and how much I suck in for the sake of it.
- How sometimes I just can’t let go.
- How fast I forget what matters, and how easily I can remember every small little detail.
- How conflict-avoiding I am (sometimes you need conflict to build character).
- How bad my farts smell.
- How I make excuses for other people.
- How I make excuses for myself… and how much I don’t believe them.
- How much I over-analyze the simple.
- How much I fear.
- How careless I am about my health.
- How easy it is for me to alienate.
- How smart I am over my feelings, and how frequently they run over my intelligence.
- How hard it is for me to control my mind over my body.
- How much I keep burning. And burning. And burning…
- How I just don’t do anything.
- How weak I am.
- How balless I am (in a purely metaphorical way, hey).
- How pimples always manage to appear whenever I believe I’m almost there to have a clean face.
- How shy I can be sometimes.
- How much time I waste.
- How I can never manage to control my sleeping habits.
- How much I dream with an ideal (and sometimes unrealistical) personal world.
It became apparent to me that, although it usually takes me a day’s worth of thinking to do my listings, I could specifically figure this one out in a matter of a stupidly fast 30 minutes. I thought “No. This is unacceptable”, and decided to do something to null it. That’s how I came up with “things I love about myself” counterpart:
- How well I get along with people.
- How conflict-avoiding I am (hey, it tends to keep me in good terms with the world).
- How I don’t rely on others’ opinion to do something I feel like doing.
- How I don’t know how to lie.
- How comfortable I feel in my skin.
- How I never feel bored.
- How creatively inclined I am.
- How I try to be a good influence for the ones I love.
- How I put my biggest effort to listen and sympathize with people when they need it.
- How I can never stay angry.
- How I find myself smiling and laughing most of the time, paired with my good sense of humor.
- How I notice (and secretly try to emmulate) the best qualities of any person that surround me.
- How much I enjoy writing stuff that, at the same time, people seem to enjoy reading.
- How I can step out of the norm.
- How my butt is well proportionated (well, what can I say…).
- How excited I can get over small things.
- How I hardly ever have bad intentions toward others.
- How I don’t strive for attention, but neither allow myself to be taken for granted.
- How much I enjoy dancing carelessly.
- How my hair always seems to fall into place, no matter what.
- How I put a good attitude in the things I do and work on.
- How blessed I am for all the things that I have.
- How I’ve manage to overcome stuff that didn’t please me.
- How determined I can be whenever I say “enough”.
- How I can never stop dreaming, after all.
It’s true that it took me some couple of hours to complete my 25 “good stuff”. But I always remember Natalia and a good pair of imaginary scissors:
“Whenever there’s a line of thought that you feel is gonna overwhealm you, cut it. And paste something fascinating on its place“.